You may havewondered repeatedly why you want to marry, trying to convince yourself that you are not marrying for the wrong reason. To ensure whether your reasons are reasonable or not, compare them with the following list
Sound reasons for marriage
• You are in love with another person.
• You feel that you need someone to share life with.
• You need a companion for all your life.
• You are perfectionist and the realistic.
• You emotionally need the person you have fallen in love with.
• To fulfill your needs and ambitions
Wrong reasons for marriage
• You are tired of being single and can’t take it any more.
• You want to get rich.
• You want to save the person you love from psychological trauma.
• It is an unrequited love.
• To show that you are matured and can accept responsibility.
• To find pleasure and enjoyment.
• To have the most luxurious wedding ceremony.
• To escape the problems you have in your family.
• You hate being alone.
• To have kids.
• Because all your friends are married.
• You think that you may not fall in love with anyone else.
• You think that your marriage age has passed and you are reaching the middle age.
• It is the only person who complete your character.
Most women make some mistakes after marriage which, though usually out of negligence, can damage the marriage and even in extreme cases lead to a separation.
These mistakes include:
1. Detachment from social life
Marriage is to forge a bond and accept certain responsibilities. This sometimes makes it difficult for women to make a balance between their social life and marital life, which over time, may provoke family disputes
2. Separation from friends
Friends are an inevitable part of human life and it is impossible to forget them. Sometimes, women are not able to choose between their friends and husband. They should know, however, that with proper decision, their husbands would help them keep in touch with their old friends.
3. Take it easy on your spouse
Gone are the days before the marriage! Now you do not need to stick around your spouse round the clock. When he comes home after work, give him space and be sure that he has chosen you for the rest of his life.
4. Mother in law is youadversary
Your husband’s mother is not your enemy! It is one of the common mistakes among women. You do not need to defeat her and you should know that she is the only one strong enough to help you two in the course of life. Do not be jealous of her.
5. Keeping secrets
Never discuss your problems with your parents and try to solve them with the help of your husband. Try to be fair in your judgments.
Which of the above mistakes have you already committed?
Everyone has a series of good and bad features. What women expect of men mainly concerns modifying some personality traits or following certain lines of behavior.
Here are things that women usually expect of men:
Women expect protection of their husband not because they feel weak, but because they need this protection and enjoy it.
Women dislike men who do not pursue any goal in their life. They love motivated men who can fulfill their dreams.
Honesty is one of basics of any relationship. It does not mean, however, that you need to be honest about highly important issues. If your wife wants to see whether you like her hairdo, just frankly tell her what you think and try to justify your opinion and, if possible, suggest an alternative.
Women expect you to be on time when you have arranged, for example, to go to the park in the afternoon or, at least,expect you to provide a justifiable reason for your delay. There is no doubt that work is important but it is not an excuse for breaking your promise.
• Sense of humor
Of course, it depends on the character of the couple, but, in general, women like men who make them laugh. This sense of humor, however, should be gentle and moderate.
It should be noted that “respect” is not something limited to formal meetings. It must be palpable in all aspects of life. When you disrespect others, you are actually demeaning yourself. So respect yourself.
One of the major marital issues is the lack of communications skills in the side of the couples that mostly result in a separation. The art of listening is one of these skills. Here we are going to examine some of these listening skills.
1. Mutual respect
Respect your wife’s opinion, even if she is wrong, because she will come around.
2. Giving advice
When your wife is speaking, just listen to her without and intention of commenting or giving advice, unless she asks for your opinion.
3. Communication difference
Men like to talk about women, but women tend to talk about romantic relationships. Men are more inclined to express their opinion and that is why they are used to interrupting each other. Women, on the other hand, like to gain information.
Paying attention to your wife’s words is the most important characteristic of “a good listener”. Be careful because she may ask you a question amid her words.
You need to plan the subjects you want to talk in advance. It helps you be a good listener and speaker.
6. Open mind
Until you have listened to all your wife’s words, do not make a snap judgement. Distraction is a factor that keeps you from being a good listener.
7. Do not interrupt each other
There is nothing worse than cutting each other off. Look for ways to avoid it.
In most cases, you need to breathe new life into your marriage, i.e. improve your marriage with new behavioral and communication strategies. You can achieve this through the following ways:
• Always be honest
• Help each other to realize your goals of life
• Never forget mutual respect
• Constantly talk about yourdreams and goals with each other
• Try to improve interpersonal communication skills
• Smile at the end of a busy day
• Uphold justice and nurture mutual understanding
• Express your expectations and needs
• Talk about your daily issues with each other
• Spend some time alone and think about things that can nurture love and intimacy in your life
• Do not forget to forgive each other’s mistakes
Most researchers say that living together before marriage is likely to increase the psychological stresses and even the possibility of divorce after marriage. In what follows, we are going to delve into this subject.
Why couples who live together before marriage are more likely to get a divorce?
• They may think they know everything about marriage.
• They might have married for all the wrong reasons, such as the pressure from friends or family.
• They have a dreamy, unrealistic view ofmarriage, but after it, they face the realities of life
• They have poor communication skills and problem solving strategies.
However, people have their own reasons for living together before marriage, including:
• Toseparate from their families
• To identify the strengths and weaknesses of each other to have a successful marriage.
• To reduce the likelihood of future divorce
• Toenjoy and have fun
Although this way of living might sound fascinating, it has its own problems:
• Economic and financial problems
• Quarrels and disputes
• Some sort of aimlessness and a try-and-error test
Most couples who live together before marriage will end up getting a divorce. If you are going to have such an experience, you’d better know why you are doing this.
First, you need to ask these questions
• What is the purpose of doing this and why do you want to live together?
• Why not choose the best option, i.e. getting married?
• Are you aware of the risks associated with such a relationship before and after marriage?
Find the right man or woman is not easy. In most cases, you will doubtful about the success of your marriage. Maybe you do not want to marry an alcoholic, arrogant, lazy, and workaholic person. If you have such doubts, following tips might help you make a right choice.
Common goals and values
Having different views on a subject is quite normal. You do not need to see eye to eye with the right person on any subject. These people are agreeable and you will enjoy chatting with them.
• The right person tends to encourage you to discuss life-related issues and is careful, e.g. that you eat healthy food.
• He will ask you to work together to make a balance between work and life.
• The right person is interested in discussing marital issues and other changes that happen in your life.
• The right person will try to make you happy while in other times it is almost impossible to find happiness.
• The right person helps boost your confidence and feel good about yourself.
• The right person is not selfish, arrogant, cruel, tasteless, uncouth or clumsy.
• The right person loves you. He enjoys spending time with you. Your marriage is likely to fail if you are not friend with your partner.
• The right person is polite, kind, and always grateful for things you do for him.
You are likely to run into men with whom you are going to fall in love and decide to marry because they love you, but in their own way. Do not waster your time with men described below, though they may seem lovely and reasonable.
• Lazy men:
Men who are not disciplined cannot be relied on. They are likely to disappoint you and make life miserable. They tend to make lots of promise that marriage is one of them.
• Independent, single men are:
- Rich and neat.
- more mature
- Pleasant to keep their company.
Men are independent in nature and they do not want to lose theirself-reliance.They do not pop the question to anyone, so do not raise your hope much with them.
• Divorced men
- They live in the past.
-They are always preoccupied with their ex-wife and their ruined life.
- The idea of their ex-wife having an affair with someone makes them nervous.
- They are not in the mood for love
• Married men:
- They tend to lie about their marriage
- They are deceitful and dishonest
- They are likely to spend most nights with you
-They refuse to give you their home phone number
-They won’t be with you on weekends
- They won’t take you to their house.
- they tend to cancel theirdates under feeble excuses
Money does not guarantee a couple’s happiness;instead,communication
skills play a pivotal role in this regard. Some key communication skills are as follows:
1) Successful couples trust each other’s abilities and set their priorities in fulfilling one another expectations.
2) Marriage limits the independence of people. Successful couples, however, make time for their interests and it helps nurture happiness in the family.
3) Successful couples always talk over their mutual expectations and try to solve their problems through dialogue.
4) Successful couples always go through their life, keeping an eye for any dissatisfaction that might have grown between them and try to cope with their problems through dialogue.
5) Successful couples do not consider a separation as the first option when a quarrel breaks out between them; instead, they refer to a marriage counselor and try to resolve their problems.
6) Successful couples negotiate on their problems and use draw on communications devices to help them tackle their problems.
7) People change in the course of life. Young couples should learn to adapt themselves to these changes to help them put up with changing relationships
1) Try to build a delightful, pleasant life with the help of your partner Both of you need to make your own share of contribution.
2) Take a lesson from the past, set goals for the future and live in the moment.
3) Help your partner to make up for his/her mistake and never blame each other.
4) Compatibility is the cornerstone of a successful life. So, do not argue with each other.
5) Your ultimate goal should be creating a peaceful environment for your family.
6) To encourage your partner to do things that you like, don’t forget lavishing praise and compliment on each other.
7) Do not expect your partner to be absolutely flawless, and do not compare him/her with others. Lower your unrealistic expectations to prevent psychological pressures and disorders.
8) Practice generosity and compassion in your marital life to be endowed with your partner’s affections.
9) Life is replete with problems. Under any circumstances, try to have a positive view of life.